OT Humor. Which book to buy., just that, not a political statement Options

[Howard]

PROBLEM: Two books are for sale. Which to buy? "Titanic" or "My Life" by Bill Clinton?

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar
Clinton: Ditto for Bill

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
Clinton: Ditto for Monica

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit
Clinton: Let's not go there

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death

Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary...basically the same thing

[Howard]

Gee that was a low blow...speaking of low blows....howz yer Momma?   (IMG:style_emoticons/default/w00t.gif)

OH BOY! A yo mamma's so fat thread. Admin, when our we going to get our humor site? Mike, Slits and I will continue to corrupt otherwise meaningful topics until you comply.

Corrupt an Clinton thread? Sorry, lost my head.

OK, let's run with it..

Subject: 8 sure-fire ways to tell if you're gay:

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are
gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and
have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and
doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has
a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog...
"Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think
about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!"
Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled
pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El
Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma.
A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with
Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes
like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there,
too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types
of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass.
A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of
that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major
league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can
name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time
he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold
his beer, or play with his bitch in the passenger seat.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le
Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with
a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above
films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC
(spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags
when they flame out too quickly.