OT Humor. Which book to buy., just that, not a political statement Options

[Howard]

PROBLEM: Two books are for sale. Which to buy? "Titanic" or "My Life" by Bill Clinton?

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar
Clinton: Ditto for Bill

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
Clinton: Ditto for Monica

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit
Clinton: Let's not go there

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death

Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary...basically the same thing

[GWN7]

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he
notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little
ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the
middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being
pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a
closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks" the girl says.
The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the
wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how
to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
collar too, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I
wouldn't have a siren."

and

A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking
around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher's
counter. The lady asks, "What in the world is that?"

"Beef tongue," replies the butcher!

The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, "No way would
I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal's
mouth!"

The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the
woman's shopping cart, "I see you're buying a dozen eggs"

and

News Release: Teacher Arrested (AP) 08/03/2004
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher

was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a

slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said

he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the

FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said.

"They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in

a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as

'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of

medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say,

'There are 3 sides to every triangle'. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said,

"If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more

fingers and toes."