The point of this thread is to constructively poke fun at P-car advertisers that describe their cars for sale to avoid communication that may be misleading and ineffective, whether intentional or not. Its to get folks to think about the content of their ads and what they are trying to convey and how they convey that, so buyers will correctly and intuitively understand the ad and not be misled or bogged down in unimportant detail. The old 'what I said is not what you heard' dilemma. Best to just clearly state facts and not flower the ad up with all sorts of puffery or unimportant information for a buyer to make a decision - as the buyer will read it.

"This Porsche ...was built in 19__ and delivered to the first owner."
--> Why does stating this fact make anyone want to buy your car?

"This Porsche ...is equipped with a [color name] paint with traces of use."
--> its a used car...

"It has ... an adjustable front and rear suspension"
--> Don't all cars have these?

"This particular 914 left the factory fitted with the uprated 2-liter version of Volkswagen’s trusty four-cylinder “boxer” motor, which was introduced as the model’s top-of-the-range engine following the discontinuation of Porsche’s 914/6 in 1972. It offered an additional 15 bhp over its 1.8-liter sibling and 20 bhp over the standard 1.7-liter car, whilst 1973 saw improvements to the 914’s much-criticized gear change, with later models such as this benefitting from the superior “side-shift” mechanism which greatly simplified actuation."
--> Whew...gasp...take a breath... 'actuation'...huh?

My personal favorite:

$X dollars invested, asking $Y.

Sometimes, X exceeds Y by a factor of 2:1 or even 3:1.

Should have done investing elsewhere!

Not 914 but back in the day when I was in a dealership checking out the newly released 944, I had a sales guy tell me that the cylinders were lined with glass.

That dealership did not survive one of the down sizing cuts. The sales man is probably now selling no stick pans somewhere on late night TV

Then I once had a customer service person tell me she could make me an appointment, but it would have to be for sometime in the future. I told her that was better than an appointment for some time in the past.

She worked for Social Security. Unlike the Porsche guy, she has probably been promoted.

Oh yea Jeff, better than being built and delivered to the second owner. The first owner would be saying “ where the f is that car I ordered?”

My personal favorite is when they spend the first 3 paragraphs telling the history of the car in general; Joint venture between VW and Porsche, throw Ferdinand Porsche's name in there, when the car was introduced, the -4 and -6 models, etc, etc.

I'm thinking anyone who is buying an almost 50 yr old car knows the history. It's not like 'hey that's a cool car-what is it?'

Are you trolling me from the other thread for the thought exercise of ceramic liners or just plain old pulling my leg?

3 paragraphs on the history and 2 sentences on the actual car for sale.

No superhawk, didn’t think of it but that is funny.

“Rust free”... ha! There are 914’s that are either rusting or being restored.

Even when restored, still probably not rust free! A few are without a doubt, but, I'm sure that won't be mine!

Mostly Rust Free just doesn't have the right ring to it.

It was!

Not 914 related, but I frequent NASIOC for Subaru parts for my conversion. My favorite is when these punk flat-brim hat vapers have engine parts listed as “rare” or “vintage” for cars that are 2004 and newer.

By the time they’re old like me, I can’t imagine the words they’ll use to describe their junk.

My favorite is "ran when parked". As if the car was towed to the spot where it was abandoned....

Or maybe not necessarily 914’s.... “just needs a little Freon”

Some get too zealous:

"Excellent Restoration Candidate !"
--> Meaning this tub is beat, tired, not all there, everything wrong with it is the POs fault, and I am tired of working on it. Pay me money to inherit my problem...

"This P-car is best described as a very straight and honest, example"
--> Tell me, clearly, what makes a car 'honest'?

"The underside is functionally solid"
--> Meaning it has not potato chipped yet or it is recently repaired with unistrut and fiberglass.

"Recently replaced - valve cover gaskets, filter, oil and 3 pushrod tubes/Orings, master cylinder, passenger door, pads/rotors, and shifter bushings. Underbody steam cleaned."
--> Meaning, car had massive oil and brake fluid leaks, brakes were worn out, door was either damaged or rusted beyond usefulness and first gear may be worn out. No need to give special mention about what we expect to be your routine maintenance so why do you mention these things? They do not add value.

I NEVER say "rust free". I once had a 70S that was rust free, it was really really nice on the underside. I sold it as such. It went to the UK where the guy's mechanic took a grinder and took the underside down to bare metal, found 3 spots behind the sway bar mount about the size of a dime that had rust. The mechanic said he should cut up the car for spares. He wanted half his money back because I sold him a rusty POS. I've never used the term "rust free" again, because some jackass will take up the challenge.

Yea, because cars don't rust in the UK.

"Previously owned by a San Francisco lawyer."
Do lawyers drive better than the rest of us? How about the ones from San Francisco?

I still remember an ad from my college days: the seller said his heavily modified Gremlin "runs like a gerbil on acid."

Favorite ad of all time, "Goes like Stink!"

"The maintenance was always performed on time or before time and the oil was changed religiously every 3k miles!"

--> What believable documentation do you have to substantiate the maintenance timing claim and please provide the name/contact of the priest who changed the oil.

And this gem: People...check your spelling or lose all credibility! This verbatim:

"This 1779 928 5 speed has bee fully restored back to new. The 928 has 31,000 miles on its working odometer this car came out of CA from a estate sale from the original owner this when I got its a nice one owner car. The 928 is sitting on restored pawer coated rims with brand new perelli P-0 tires. Car has been re-painted by herb chamber Porsche back to it shine has no dents or imperfections. The Dash is not cracked the seeds have all been redone to specks the carpet is grate and new has the floor mates and the reado that went with the car In 1979. everything works like it should. now for the engine and mechanics the car has been to herb chambers Porsche and spots in ports of cape code to have about 30,000 of work done just on the mechanics there is a new water pump, foul pump, all the gaskets are brad new, spark plugs new , wire new, cap new, belts new, gas tank new, brake lines new. brakes and roters new, all brake components are new , all the lies are new all the widow moldings are new all the window seals are new, bumper seals are new, there is so much more have all the paper work of work done will come with car. this is a blue plate car I do have the plates that came with the car new. all car has its spare and all the tools, air pump, jack, keys, manuals as see in pic. the places this car has been worked on below."

His high school English teacher is probably trying to get into the Witness Protection Program after reading this ad.

That was a difficult read Jeff. I would pass on the car just due to the ad.

Leather interior
Convertible
5 speed

Paul